October 24, 2017. 4:53 pm
I feel the need to constantly check my emotions lately. It keeps bouncing up and down. At one I feel like my emotions are a little flame of a candle. And the next second it turns into wildfire.
I start my day rough- forcing my limbs to move and convincing my lungs not to crave for a cigarette. And as I go about the routine activities of life- laughing and smiling, and sleeping in class, inside me there nudges an evolving mass of sadness. Next thing I know, my knees crumble and I collapse my body on the nearest blue chair lined up in the corridors. Even my knees have felt the quitting my brain has been constantly imagining.
This is not a blog. This is a cry for help.
I did not cross oceans and climb mountains only for you to make me feel small.
Please understand that there are days when my anxiety is sky high
And though you say you’ll love me still
These are the days i just want to sleep and forget the world. Sometimes it also means forgetting you love me.
Even if I could be anywhere in this world
Still I’d choose your bedside
Where I’ve found mornings
Worth waking up to
There goes your heart- forgetting the world’s advice, still beating after his breaths, still melting at his gaze.
There goes your heart, attaching itself to places it is not welcome.
He does not love you.
But there goes your heart- beating for this love. Beating for both of you.
I cant get over how it breaks my heart that even after years of trying to forget you…
My knees still crumble at the sight of you with her…
His hand holds felt rushed. Like i could reach out anytime and catch the worn out leather of a suitcase leaving me.
We stood there, talking about star wars.
And it felt too long, and a million galaxies away from ever being too real.