break-up

Forgetting

You can forget his face… his kisses, the memories, all the hand holds

You can forget every single thing that made you fall for him

But you will never forget the feeling of being left

And that’s why a break-up hurts.

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Come and Go.

When love came, love came like a storm..it wasn’t the perfect weather yet I never missed the chance to dance in the rain.

When love talked to me..love spoke like a dangling chime playing with the wind, like 6-strings in perfect collision with my fingers. It was all just right.

When love looked me in the eyes..love stared with pure charm, as if love saw all the beauty that never existed within me. It felt like looking through a telescope while the universe send out a trillion shooting stars you never thought existed. They are beautiful but they are dead, too.

When love carried me in his arms, love brought me to places.

But like a flat tire, love just stopped.

There were so many places I wanted to go to, so many adventures I wanted to make, so many photographs I wanted to take, so many memories I wanted to create.

But love stayed away because love had other plans. Love wanted to be in a different time zone. Love wanted to pack a suitcase and walk away to where the sunrise was my sunset. Love wanted to get on a plane that would fly a hundred miles away from where I stood. Love wanted other things. And I wasn’t one of them.

When love went away, love went away like a bonfire..slowly losing parts of the inside until they turned to ashes.

When love left, love didn’t wave goodbye because love wanted to save that goodbye for the future years where we could bump into each other at a random cafe with so many stories to tell about how opposite our lives went. Love wanted that coincidence to be the time to say goodbye because it would be a sweet farewell. Love didn’t want to remember my blood-stained cheeks and flooded eyes and furrowed eyebrows. Instead, love wanted to remember nothing.

And so love went away…just like that. Just like snow flakes in your hand, love melted away…slowly and then all at once.

Looking for happiness

Dear love, if the moon caught on fire tonight, would you fly to outer space and rescue me? Or would you sit idly by and watch the explosion of red and orange through the darkness of the universe as you hold her hand… Of course, you’d choose her. She IS your happiness, right?

Me: Wow, you look beautiful today.. is there an occasion?

Friend: No, it’s just that I’m trying to win.

Me: Win what?

Friend: The whole break-up, Duh!

Me: Is there even such a thing as winning the break-up?

Friend: Of course! And I figured ..to win the break-up I should be hotter than the girl my ex is dating right now. So I win! 

Dear reader, why do some people find pleasure in the sufferings of another? Why must one laugh at the pain of his companion and enemy? Why is everyone so busy trying to win everything, when they can enjoy the happiness life offers.

I don’t think that there is a game that must be one between lovers..I think what matters after a break-up is the real reason behind the break-up. I mean, in the first place, why was separation necessary? And now that it happened, do you feel happy? Because that’s the goal right? We tend to stay away from the people we love to pursue something we all want to achieve which is HAPPINESS. Because if the person is already our happiness then why would we want to be away from them.. 

Trying to compete with someone who is not even against you is just ridiculous. Sometimes, breakups are frustrating..I know, I’ve been there..done that. And sometimes the heart does not break even which leaves one vulnerable. But I think what’s important after a break-up is understanding why it happened and turning all the bitter pain into lessons for the next person we give our hearts to. 

Love is beautiful in many ways. Even break-ups are beautiful because one day we realize how much we grew out of these happenings and sure, we cry for sometime, but by the time we stand up and try again..we learn and stumble and fall and fly. 

Love is lovelier the nth time around.

Dear reader, do I even make sense right now?

I’m going through a break-up with high school.

With each step I take, a million memories in my mind start to compile into a movie that basically sums up my 4 years of being a high school student..strung into pictures of smiles and friendships as if stars being fathomed into constellations.

I realized, the alarm clocks that had been torturing me each morning, separating me from the warmness of my bed…the school works I had been cursing for the past few years.. the teachers I had been trying to get rid off.. the very things that made me cry are the very things I will miss the most.

Graduation is nearing. I feel like going through a break-up. A break-up with family. A break-up with Mariano Marcos State University.

The days are counting down as tears start to fall and as the pages of high school turns yellow.

Reader, I don’t think I’m strong enough to handle this break-up. I don’t think anyone is. But that just life..we’re never ready but it goes on anyway.

*sigh*