The universe just placed us there- in that place, at that exact time.

The rest, was us.

I, a lover.

Which would you rather be:

A. That person who’s sweet voice shouts into the void for a chance in romance..

or B. That person who waits for the warmth of another hand upon his.

I’d choose none.

Dear reader, looking for someone is too desperate. And waiting for someone is too damn cliche.

I’d rather be the person who’s name is so beautiful to call upon. Someone who’d spend their time being who they are. I’d wear my fandom shirts and not care if all the pretty girls wear dresses. I’d wake up everyday and eat pancakes because I love pancakes even if they make me fat. I’d listen to Ed Sheeran and never get tired of putting his songs on repeat. I’d never talk in a shy girl tone because that’s not me at all. I’d wear my hair the way I want it. I’d read whatever books contained words that fly me to the galaxies. I’d never stop bursting out into a song whenever I feel like it. And I’d always remember to look for owls outside my house during summer. I’d hug my pillow to sleep because there is nothing as fluffy as my pillow. I’d be happy to smile everyday knowing I am who I am so that when the day comes when I meet that special someone, he would fall in love not because I’m his ideal girl..but because I made him realize what he was looking for all along.

A Family of Disappointments

Universe is an old man with a crooked nose and a scar along his face from all the battles he’s fought. His back ’s hunched up in a grumpy looking manner, and in between his teeth there never is a day without a cigarette. Every morning he frowns at the papers with headlines screaming to his face about the complaints of mankind. He is a husband to a working mom- Nature.

She used to be so kind to everyone, always baked cookies for the neighbors. Just a knock and you’ll see her gleeful smile and radiant beauty. My, my..she used to look so wonderful..until the day she started losing her trees and her animals started dyinng and the world turned against her.

Now she releases her wrath on almost everyone-the old and the young, the innocent and the evil. Oh poor Nature had to mourn the death of her creations. And she has never been the same since.

It’s 2:00.

The Universe is smoking cigars at an unknown galaxy, stressed about every complaint and curses he’s been hearing from all around the world while his wife, Nature picks up the kids.

She first went to a music studio where Destiny is learning how to play to the symphonies of right timing and right pairings. She’s the little brat of the family who thinks she’s got it all. She screws everyone up because she still can’t get the perfect rhythm. Her violin can only make a cacophany of disastrous noise.

Nature gets angry all the time and shakes off her fury by sending storms down below. One time, Destiny tried to play the sweet melody of love. She played to Romeo and Juliet then she got lost and the story turned into a tragedy. So Nature sent down a storm that burned like ice. Each time Destiny screws up, her mom grounds her thus she is unable to correct her mistakes.

Nature is always moody whenever Destiny is with her instrument.

Destiny’s four-eyed brother, Faith, is also a disappointment. He’s just too young and too shy and too timid. No matter how many years of training he goes under, his skills in archery are truly poor together with his eyesight. He tries his hardest to strike the hearts of the evil but in his lifetime, he has only hit a few. That is why in this world, Faith is a slowly fading footprint.

The only one in the family that everyone relies on is Miracle-young girl with pretty blue eyes and dark brown curls that blend so perfectly with her fair skin and cherry blossom cheeks. Ever since she attended culinary classes, she’s been cooking up some real delight.

She’s made the masses believe beyond what the world offers. She has made Frankenstein’s science into reality and she has turned impossibilities to possibilities and she helped the world survive countless decades of a disease spreading- a kind of virus that infiltrates the mind and poisons it, taking away humanity. Miracle is the greatest among them..yet she is always sick. It is only prayers that can cure her. And if Faith can’t master archery, then the world will continue to be deaf to Miracle’s pleads. And if Destiny can’t create beautiful endings for everyone, Nature will keep getting angry. Thus the people will suffer and blame it all on Universe.

This is a family of disappointments.

If you are reading this…

Dear love, I want you to know that I believe too much in love that I can take all the rejection and all the frustration of not having you back in my life…But I guess my mind was a month late in realizing that all this time it was YOU. and that all this time, the butterflies I get whenever our eyes meet are the signs that I have been lying to myself- telling my subconscious to love a different person that is not you. All those days of seeing you with her didn’t bother me. I guess it was because I was distracted. But to tell you the truth, my mind is still holds a space preoccupied by YOU.

Dear reader, to wait for something is hard. I know, its frustrating..especially when what you are waiting for is not coming at all. But to regret the things you could have done but didn’t do is HARDER. A friend of mine once told me that NOTHING IS EVER TOO LATE. But that doesn’t make a good excuse for every situation. Sometimes we have to GROW UP- face reality and ameliorate for the better.

A month ago, I said yes to a person whom I thought I could love. But I was only blinded by temporary feelings that made me crave for attention and care. And I guess that cracks inside of me gave way for someone to come and open up the doors to another lie. There is a difference between just loving a person and falling in love with someone. Falling in love is beautiful and wonderful and nice and kind and patient and happy.

It was only last week, that I realized all this time I was lying to myself. And dear reader, one month is a very long time. People change and sometimes it doesn’t always work out. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t fix the mistakes we made.

Pain is the antidote of stupidity. And experiencing the hurt is just a part of growing up because nothing in this world is pure sweetness and light. Life cannot always paint us baby blue skies. Sometimes, we have to go through the most catastrophic storms before we find the brightest rainbows.

So I guess I fought fear and finally had the guts to face him and tell him I love him. But then, but that time, he already loved another. And dear reader, it hurt like hell- knowing that what once was so beautiful is now swallowed by the wind..forgotten and light years away from ever becoming into reality again. But at least I know I tried.

My friend told me that step one to growing up is TRYING. And so I tried. And I failed. And when I asked my friend what the next step is…he told me that I have to figure it out as I keep going. Discovering paths is just a part of growing up. And LOVE is too mysterious that one can never be so sure of anything..except for when they feel the unexplainable jolts of cupid’s arrows.

Dear reader, I believe that love is a leap of faith and sometimes, you just I have to jump. I choose to jump, even if it breaks me or shatters me, I know that I am fragile but I would rather be hurt than to not stay true to myself..and so I guess I will wait. Yes..In this lifetime or the next..I will wait.

If you are reading this..I love you. And yes, I respect your decision.

If this was a movie.

I believe that destiny is flawed in its own way. I mean if life was a movie, then he’d be here by now and the ending would be beautiful. We’d have 3 kids and live in a tiny house, all cuddled up in one couch watching a volleyball game, arguing over which team was better while the smell of popcorn and diet soda fills the blissful atmosphere of the whole living room.

I’ve thought of getting married once with a real wedding- all the white gown and flowers and altar and vows. But today, I just feel like rewriting the past, wishing that the tragedy between stars that crossed never happened. But it’s funny how we can never go back and change the details, we can only relive them in our memories, maybe cry or laugh at them.  Maybe think of the words we should have said and take back the words we actually said.

Dear ‘friend’

If our story was a movie, then I wouldn’t have left you alone to cry. I would’ve hugged you and kissed you and stayed with you for more decades to come. But if I did that then I would be living a lie right now…pretending I’m not hurt or pretending I’m okay with the past 2 years of  not being able to feel loved. If I stayed, then I would have never met him- the right one or the other one.

If this was a movie, then I wouldn’t know how good it feels like to have my hand be held by someone else..or to have my head rest on someone else’s shoulder. If this was a movie, then I wouldn’t know pain and the I wouldn’t realize the value of friendship.

I guess there is a reason for the fault in our stars…I guess it is for us to find the better galaxy we belong in.

Dear ‘friend’, I miss you. But more than that, I thank you. Because right now, we are a million light years away..still searching for the missing pieces. And on our way, I know we will find the right one. And maybe someday we’ll know why I wasn’t meant for you.

Oh, the universe

The universe has no permanent agenda. It only acts upon the choices you make and the chances you take. It forever watches us..maybe sometimes mocks us with an infinity of obstacles.

It’s as if the universe has its own game plan of events that changes as the game of life goes on, and we’re the pieces that so blindly follow the coincidentally destined paths the universe has chosen for us.

I believe the universe knows  us. It knows that we humans are programmed for love, determination and happiness. Though sometimes it forgets the fact we are also engineered for hurt, failure and misery.

The universe does not punish nor reward us. It only stares. We just have to stare back at it, sometimes with eyes of triumph and sometimes with eyes of sorrow.

The universe watches us cry. Sometimes it cries with us. It hears our dreams. Sometimes it sends the moon to glimpse at our never-ending eternity of hopeless wandering and curiosity. Sometimes it makes the stars fall, to keep us believing in miracles and wishes. Sometimes it decides to write us a love story, though I have to admit, the universe loves tragedy. And sometimes it is as if it has its own language, speaking to us through hidden signs and obvious calls.

So maybe today, the universe woke me up to write this..not to be read. But to be felt.

Oh the universe, when will you stop staring?