On the patience of a thousand smiles

Saving a friendship

The most beautiful thing in the world is to fall in love with a person you consider to be your best friend. And there is nothing better than having mutual love exist for the both of you. But it’s also the hardest decision and process to turn the friendship into a serious, intimate relationship.

Sometimes it gets complicated. You fall in love with your best friend and she feels the same way but then… you choke. Because what if..

What if the relationship ends up like most young love stories out there.

You look back at your previous relationships, why they ended, what went wrong, and how badly broken you felt and how badly broken the other felt. Then you think about what’s gonna happen with your best friend. How badly broken she’s gonna feel if the relationship turns sour. You can’t handle that because to you, she is the best person in the world who deserves nothing short of happiness. What if you bring the opposite?

You may not know this, but she thinks the same.

So both of you become stuck in the middle of being best friends and lovers. It’s a confusing and frustrating feeling of ‘Should I do this?’ or ‘Am I allowed to do this’.

You set these mental limitations. You try to be casual. Try not to talk about the churning in your stomach when you see her. Try not to get jealous when she talks about some other person she finds interesting. Try not to be possessive of her time. Try not to lean close and kiss her. Try not to stare too long in her eyes. Basically, torture yourself into throwing away all the not so friendly feeling you have for her. But we all know you can’t keep up pretending.

You are going to tell her how you feel- how you want to go beyond being just ‘best friends’.

And then you hold your breath. Hope and pray that what she feels for you is just as intense and amazing as how you feel about her.

If you’re lucky, you get to be lovers. And the friendship becomes stronger.

If not, then maybe you’ll just stay friends. It’s gonna be awkward. It’s gonna be a strange new feeling. The rejection will hurt and you both may need time to recover. But after some time, you’ll find a way to laugh about it. And you will always love her, maybe not as intensely. She’ll always be your best friend- and it will be a burden and a joy.

Note: feel free to exchange her/she for him/he. its just that i find it hard to always put “/he, /him” 🙂

When he asked me for advice

I’m that friend who’s gonna tell you to chase the girl. I’m that friend who’s gonna tell you to hold on to her as much as you can. Trust me, it’s gonna be worth it. She’s gonna be worth all your patience and frustrations..

Trust me, exactly as much as I never trusted you.

Everything you’re doing right now is gonna win her over.And you’re gonna wake up to her smile and you’ll forget the beauty of the sunrise you saw with me. You’re gonna look back at your pain, and know that every hand hold after is a band aid to every harsh word she let out whenever she doubted you. Every hand hold is gonna feel like victory. And you’ll find your special hand hold. It’s gonna be different from ours. And I promise…it’s gonna be better.

Living through lifetimes

We should value stories more than any jewel in this world…because it is through random stories, shared with a cup of tea or a bottle of beer at some random alley or some bar down the street, that we make pieces of our lives outlive us.

I believe we die twice. First is when our heart gives up beating and the next is when the last person in the world who knows us dies.

Nothing in this world of madness lasts forever; which means all our trophies and achievements will one day vanish along with our favorite places, our favorite seasons. All that will ever be left is a memory. A memory of a girl who once loved to write so much she bled her soul through pen…A memory of the soldier who died in combat against terrorists..A memory of a mother, who once was a daughter catching snowflakes, watching them melt..A memory of so many first kisses, so many goodbyes, so many hellos.

This is reality. We cannot preserve so much of us for time to carry to infinity. What we can do is to tell and listen to as many stories as we can. This way, we give parts of ourselves at the same time receive parts of someone else.

So when we die, our lives will not be measured by the years we live but by the infinite stories we have lived to share.