Dear love, I want you to know that I believe too much in love that I can take all the rejection and all the frustration of not having you back in my life…But I guess my mind was a month late in realizing that all this time it was YOU. and that all this time, the butterflies I get whenever our eyes meet are the signs that I have been lying to myself- telling my subconscious to love a different person that is not you. All those days of seeing you with her didn’t bother me. I guess it was because I was distracted. But to tell you the truth, my mind is still holds a space preoccupied by YOU.
Dear reader, to wait for something is hard. I know, its frustrating..especially when what you are waiting for is not coming at all. But to regret the things you could have done but didn’t do is HARDER. A friend of mine once told me that NOTHING IS EVER TOO LATE. But that doesn’t make a good excuse for every situation. Sometimes we have to GROW UP- face reality and ameliorate for the better.
A month ago, I said yes to a person whom I thought I could love. But I was only blinded by temporary feelings that made me crave for attention and care. And I guess that cracks inside of me gave way for someone to come and open up the doors to another lie. There is a difference between just loving a person and falling in love with someone. Falling in love is beautiful and wonderful and nice and kind and patient and happy.
It was only last week, that I realized all this time I was lying to myself. And dear reader, one month is a very long time. People change and sometimes it doesn’t always work out. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t fix the mistakes we made.
Pain is the antidote of stupidity. And experiencing the hurt is just a part of growing up because nothing in this world is pure sweetness and light. Life cannot always paint us baby blue skies. Sometimes, we have to go through the most catastrophic storms before we find the brightest rainbows.
So I guess I fought fear and finally had the guts to face him and tell him I love him. But then, but that time, he already loved another. And dear reader, it hurt like hell- knowing that what once was so beautiful is now swallowed by the wind..forgotten and light years away from ever becoming into reality again. But at least I know I tried.
My friend told me that step one to growing up is TRYING. And so I tried. And I failed. And when I asked my friend what the next step is…he told me that I have to figure it out as I keep going. Discovering paths is just a part of growing up. And LOVE is too mysterious that one can never be so sure of anything..except for when they feel the unexplainable jolts of cupid’s arrows.
Dear reader, I believe that love is a leap of faith and sometimes, you just I have to jump. I choose to jump, even if it breaks me or shatters me, I know that I am fragile but I would rather be hurt than to not stay true to myself..and so I guess I will wait. Yes..In this lifetime or the next..I will wait.
If you are reading this..I love you. And yes, I respect your decision.