remember

I thought of him today

How can I say your name without bitterness filling up my mouth?

‘Cuz just this morning, 5 am this morning

I was walking through the streets we used to walk together,

And I remembered us- half lit cigarettes amidst dim skies,

Looking for a place to eat

A place to chat

A place to search for possibilities

Of you and me

How can I not fall back in love?

When all you ever did was make sure

That each word you whispered

Would find their way to my heart

Make it beat so loud that

I can hear the ‘I love you’

Whenever you ask if I’ve already eaten

Whenever you walk me home

Whenever you kiss me on the forehead just when you think I’ve fallen asleep

How can alcohol not work?

I’ve downed countless shot after shots

But baby, you are a memory I never want to forget

Because all I know

Was you loved me

And I broke you to pieces.

(photo credit: http://favim.com/image/44789/)

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Stuff I Miss About You

Note: these are simply stories in my mind. some hypothetical..some real. judge if you must.

Dear person I used to love,

I have loved you too much for far too long that it’s impossible for me not to miss some fragments of you that used to be a daily routine for me to see. You have just left too much of yourself that I sometimes find it difficult to remember what my life used to be before you came. But here are some stuff that I guess I used to love that now I miss…

1. Your cats. I really hate cats. But the image of you with them is just so cute. Really. It is. The way you just cup them in your hands and play with them. Especially when they sneak in your room while were all cuddled up. It’s as if they miss you and they hate me for taking you away. But now, dear cats, no need to worry about me. I am gone and he is yours.

2. Your voice on the phone. Deep but assuring. Rusty but still caring. All the late night calls, I miss. Even the times when you wake me up so early in the morning just to hear my voice. But I can’t remember your voice anymore. I guess it’s just not for me.

3. Hugs from behind. So tight, sometimes a little too much. But it’s always the hugs the kept me coming back. The way you create such warmth feel so heaven-like is beautiful. I miss them. But I don’t need them. I’ve had better ones..gentle ones that didn’t crave for lust.

4. Waking up beside you. So far, it’s the best memory of you…of US. We were fighting and I was so tired, I slept on your bed. And when I woke up… pillows under my head, a blanket over my body..and by my side is YOU. It was the best feeling.. waking up and knowing that I will still love you no matter what happens. But that was before.

Sometimes, I wonder if you stare into the stars too..and think about all those things you miss about me. I do that sometimes. I remember..then I smile because I have no regrets. Thank you.

The People Worth Writing For.

“I love you as the person I’m willing to write about. And if you don’t know what that means..well you should know that I love to write and I only write about the things I can’t get out of my mind..And in this case its YOU.”

Dear reader, here are the people I believe are worth writing for.. people who have stuck with me until the very end…the artists who have broken the monotony of the blank canvass which was once me..the mechanics who have cranked up the rusted bolts and chains within me…the chameleons who became my mother, sister, brother, friend, lover, doctor, lawyer, and companion.

Athena, Melizza.

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To the both of you who have been the Harry Potter and Ron Weasley of my story, I thank you. For all the times I failed to control the outburst of stupidity in me, you were the patient menders that picked up the pieces and built a Lego house. The two of you have been the best of friends that hears the voice within the deafening silence of me..one smile is just a curve of the lips but to you it is a gesture of a thousand words. I love you both!

Mark, Andehl, Ieoh.

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No doubt, my life would be plain and dull without the three of you. No words can ever express my gratitude for all those times you waited for me and for all those times you tolerated my childish behavior and for all those times you brought laughter and joy to my world. You have kept me smiling through all the darkness life brings. Like Albus Dumbledore, you have brought me my sanity by bringing clarity back into the cosmos. I thank you, little brothers (even if you are all older than me :>)

Dyan Visitacion.

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You are the Severus Snape of my story..(no, she doesn’t get killed by a snake. And no, her hair is actually nice.) I always thought we were enemies in everything..but you were always there to protect me even if I don’t often see it. I thank you for everything. Our friendship has gone through far beyond what the universe offers…We are both growing up.. And we should be proud of that. In all the acts of immaturity, I know we will always be there for each other.

Yza Alcid.

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I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. I will never forget all those years of childishness and trouble and mischief and sisterhood. But I guess you have triggered something with in me- a fear that I will carry out as a lesson. I am not afraid of meeting new people but now I am afraid of meeting the wrong ones. I hope the best for you and your future.

Precious Duque.

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It’s strange how the universe conspired for us to hate each other for 3 straight years and magically out of nowhere decide to forge a link of friendship between us. I will always remember our random talks and fun-filled fodtrips and all those notebooks we destoryed with our fast and illegible scribbles that contains what our subconsious thinks of. If stupidity is viral, I would blame you. And if idiocy is lethal then we would be both dead by now. But that’s what friends are for: we support each other through all the ups and downs.

Marquis Balai.

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You were once my perfect shade of blue skies. But the universe hates perfection. Like Robin of How I Met Your Mother, you are the person I have loved so differently that my love for you will no longer exist for anyone else. You are the Robin of my story- one who have shown me the beauty in falling…but one who will never be able to catch me. Thank you for everything. I am glad to be your friend, always.

Rica Abella.

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You are everywhere most of the time but you always manage to keep up with time and find yourself right beside me whenever my eyes burst into tsunami waves. Though we are of the same age, you speak of such old language and wisdom. For all those times you have made me stronger, I thank you. For all those pats in the back and all those hugs, I will never forget you. You are the Katniss as I am Prim. You are an inspiration.

 

Jomari Lucero.

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Life offers me the best gurus who have gone through all the worst possible case scenarios. Someone who has done stupider things than me. In this case, the universe conspired for us to meet and for you to inflict within me the hard lessons that you have learned in your own ways. I will grow up..soon. I promis…but that would be what an immature kid would say. So instead of a promise, I offer you my gratitude- proof that I have listened to you and shared in the pain the world brings. I thank you for being a part of my life.

 

Janus Pacis

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For being YOU.

The ‘sky’ fell and I fell with it.

Let me make this simple. 

He cupped my face with both hands. I am at bliss. 

He stared into my eyes. My soul is lost.

Instead of a goodbye, he said the words “Don’t ever forget me.” And all the pieces of me shifted in a way that all the cracks seem to be filled with the sureness of his voice. 

Then he held my hand. And I felt the gush of a million feelings all at once.

Dear reader, what words could describe the courage and stupidity of a person who would challenge distance and test time only to prove that his “forever” is as real as the universe is infinite? Though he is not my galaxy, I believe he is my meteor who gave up his throne in the beautiful abode of heavenly bodies and fell to the earth only to crash and burn and see me smile. 

Like the perfect sunset, he comes so slow but leaves so fast…but you know that everyday he will come back, even if the skies get rough, he will never disappoint the damsel sitting by the water waiting for a touch of magic. 

Dear reader, no winter can ever let me forget his warmth. And no infinity can ever let me forget our forever. 

Dear love, I will not forget you.