crush

Another tragedy in the making

One day he sat behind me in class. He said good morning then smiled. And dear reader, I guess the reason I’m writing this is because I cant seem to get over his whole aura.

Last night I dreamt of him. And I woke up looking for his voice. The melody that somehow sucked out all the tragic rainbows and turned my sky into the perfect shade of blue.

And in class, I kept shriveling at his presence. It felt eerie- the type of mystery that I just cant figure out. It almost felt so surreal and dreadful and lonely and beautiful all at the same time.

I never felt this way before.

I dont know what it is but I think its another tragedy waiting to be written. Im afraid if I try to enjoy this feeling, a trauma is waiting for me to happen.

I should just stay away.

Sit at the back.

Be invisible.

But I cant seem to shake it off.

Oh dear reader, tell me, am I falling into another trap?

Dear friend, why did we never love each other?

I didn’t need a warm mug of coffee. You’re sweetness contained enough caffeine to keep me awake until 2:04 a.m. We talked about the most random stuff like we are friends reunited. Then I thought to myself why we never worked out a relationship?

12:34 a.m.

Him: Hi.

Me: Hello.

It started like that then it went like this.

Him: Did you ever like me before?

Me: Yes.

Him: When did you stop?

Me: Stop what?

Him: Liking me.

Me: When you loved her.

And so that answered my first question.. It never worked out because it was as if he was speed dating and I cant keep track of who he’s holding hands with or singing songs to or reading books for. I was always the best friend that caught him when the ropes snapped. I stayed with him on the days of pure dullness and watch him crumble over the fragility of young love. Then maybe I fell in love a little..from time to time, I find my heart beating a different beat. Like my own circulatory organ designed a feeling that only happens with him.

But then time would pass..and he would recover. And he would find someone again. And maybe the tiny cracks I feel inside gave way for someone else to fix me.