courage

Wont you come and jump with me? No?

Will you jump right after I jump?

Of course you won’t.

But will you catch me if I fall?

No. You clearly will not.

If on the days when the baby blue skies turn into the collision of red and orange to make the loneliest sunsets, will you sit by me and catch my tears? Will you stay up with me amidst all the sleepless nights and wish upon shooting stars and fall in love so stupidly that it makes the tragedy off Romeo and Juliet not so tragic at all?

Dear reader, the answer is NO. Because I am a rose grown with thorns and no prince will ever dare touch me for they know I will only cut straight through their flesh until my stems go crimson red…until I suck out the mighty voice in them and turn their lungs into a maze of shattered glass…

Will you run away? Like all the others? Will you take one look and leave?

But if you stay then oh sweet man, you must know.. I am a poison. Just a taste will rip the sanity off of your mind. Can you tame me?

And if you can…will you?

In me is a monster that will vaporize your existence. I am a curse. I wish only of innocence but hormones will not let me. And no one can ever save me from the fall.

Are you brave enough to love me?

Do you carry the sword that shall get you through the walls I have built for myself? Can your armor take all the hurt my words and actions can bring? In your mind, do you possess the wisdom of a man bowed down by the centuries of life’s pain.

If not..then walk away.

Darling, I am too fragile to break once more . But I will continue to search even if the last petal of me eventually meets its doom. Dear universe, who can ever be brave enough to love me with a love so true that the cosmos will finally conspire in my favor.

Advertisements

I’m gonna pick up the pieces..and build a Lego house.

I can live without your hugs.. 

Because in me is a soul brave enough to survive the cold with just my own arms around my body. In my hands is the heat of the most bitter thing in this world- tears…tears that have rusted the stupidity within me that used to control me.

Take your words..I don’t need them.

I’m sixteen- young and scarred by reality. But my life does not revolve around the search for the right HIM. I may be a damsel in distress but in this beautiful life of mine, I am eager to search for my future bridesmaids that will stand by me through all the tests of time and the ones who will walk the aisle before me, making sure that the path I am taking is one worth sacrificing my youth. 

I do not need words that will vanish into thin air..for only actions can prove what the heart can only beat for. 

And when you’re long gone..who do I love?

I will love myself more. Because I deserve to grow. I’m gonna pick up the pieces and build a Lego house..one so fragile yet so amazing. I will make more mistakes because I love myself. Not taking any leap of faiths is like not living at all. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Love is fragile. Because the great things in life are just like sugar..they crumble easily but dont be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste the sweetness life offers. 

And so today, I stand before the mighty universe..weak and tired. But I will not be vaporized into oblivion. Instead, I will recover and I will fly again…I will soar so high that even gravity will give up on trying to put me down.

Dear reader, it is in our nature to feel and be hurt. But it is only ourselves who can defy the odds and smile again. I guess I choose to smile and wait and live life.

The Last Time I Write About You

The last leaf of autumn fell yet my love did not fade with the seasons…instead it perplexed with it.

I am a snowflake in hell, surviving the heat with all the tenacity I can summon. But that’s the problem…I am surviving. Not living. I can’t sleep. But I have to. The most painful part is knowing I will never wake up beside you ever again. I can’t eat. But my body needs the food. And so with every ounce of my being, I force every bit of food that I can into my system trying to forget your eyes..the way you stare at me when we eat together as if giving me a purpose with just one blink.

Lastly, I realize you were once my oxygen. I can’t breathe. But I have to with your scent gone. And I realized even if the universe sends out trillions of stars to shoot across the earth, no wish can save me. I am in a psychological battle with myself. And it is only I who can end this.

But thank you for all the wounds, because then without them, I wouldn’t realize the value of the people God gave me. The people who I can trust. The people who were there with me when you came not for me but for her. The people who showed me the brighter side of the moon.

Thanks to you…he came.

Finally.. I am free from your chains. I have been torn at the seams but now I am stitched up with words that will shout my strength…I am brave and you do not control me anymore.

I am free.