I’m not sad. I’m not happy either. I guess I’m feeling in between.
I’m on that line between whether to quit or to keep fighting. And dear reader, it’s a never ending battle of regrets against possibilities.
I wanna be a doctor. I wanna get on a plane and never look back. I wanna dive oceans, one from each continent. I wanna make a living out of pressing keys and stitching up words. I wanna drink coffee while watching the snow pour down. I wanna learn to speak French. I wanna get drunk and kiss a stranger. I wanna go climb mountains where land meets sky, where all my unmuffled screams will matter to one, where my soul can wonder free, where all my worries are soaked up by nature’s beauty. I wanna be away. I wanna find myself.
But dear reader, this probably isn’t the first of many posts you have read about dreams and ambitions. Everyone dreams of alot of things. Most are impossible. And we almost always end up disappointed that this world we live in is a selfish bitch.
They say this world is full of happiness..that one just has to open themselves up and be who they are. I wish that was true. And damn it, I’m still wishing..
I have always been a fan of possibilities. I was a believer.
But now, after months of trying to find more to believe in, I’m as lost as I can be.
But I guess, part of me still believes that something good will happen tomorrow. or the next day..or the next year..maybe the next lifetime.