You crashed right after I fell.

You left me a note with three words.

Look at me.

On the piano where we first played together in an endless duet and where we sang songs of glee and wonder, I saw the pink paper all folded up into a paper crane..and inside was your penmanship- not so clear but still manageable for eyes that has seen nothing but tears lately.

It was my birthday- the same day your plane left for London. And in the paper, you wrote the words “I love you.”

Please, listen to me. Don’t just stare and roll your eyes.

For 2 years, we were the best of friends and you left like nothing mattered. As if the days we spent making distorted sand castles by the beach didn’t matter…or as if the days when we separated ourselves from the world as if creating walls and barriers from all the negativity of the cosmos and start our own  galaxy of oddity just went off with the wind. We used to talk as if we lived down the rabbit hole- where everything was for US. You and me..just the two of us- best friends.

Why are you frowning?

Of course I never thought of you loving me as more than just friends. And I never had the time to think about it. You left so quick and the note was so late and everything happened in the wrong time. But I never got to say what I felt and I guess now It doesn’t matter anymore. Not after the crash. Not after you died.

In my head is the image of you- the way you refused to look at me when you say something nice about my hair or my dress or my eyes(you always say something nice about me)..or the way you look up the stars at night and pretend you’re ignoring everything I said because you love seeing me frustrated in a goofy manner..the way you frown when you get confused then smile when I smile at you.

I never thought I would be sitting alone in my room still looking at ink upon a piece of paper containing unspoken words. I’m alone now and the rabbit hole I guess is now a graveyard filled with your presence- our memories…our tragedy.



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