The Last Time I Write About You

The last leaf of autumn fell yet my love did not fade with the seasons…instead it perplexed with it.

I am a snowflake in hell, surviving the heat with all the tenacity I can summon. But that’s the problem…I am surviving. Not living. I can’t sleep. But I have to. The most painful part is knowing I will never wake up beside you ever again. I can’t eat. But my body needs the food. And so with every ounce of my being, I force every bit of food that I can into my system trying to forget your eyes..the way you stare at me when we eat together as if giving me a purpose with just one blink.

Lastly, I realize you were once my oxygen. I can’t breathe. But I have to with your scent gone. And I realized even if the universe sends out trillions of stars to shoot across the earth, no wish can save me. I am in a psychological battle with myself. And it is only I who can end this.

But thank you for all the wounds, because then without them, I wouldn’t realize the value of the people God gave me. The people who I can trust. The people who were there with me when you came not for me but for her. The people who showed me the brighter side of the moon.

Thanks to you…he came.

Finally.. I am free from your chains. I have been torn at the seams but now I am stitched up with words that will shout my strength…I am brave and you do not control me anymore.

I am free.

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