It’s 3:28 a.m. And the dullness of missing you is no longer dull.

I thought I stopped thinking about you. But I realized I was just used to the dull ache of hearing your voice over and over again..playing back our first and last dance..remembering our first and last kiss.. crying over our first and last goodbye. And the list of first and lasts go on..and my river of tears turns into an ocean of incurable misery. 

Let me lie to you again. 

I’m fine.

Love, that can only be a lie when I’m not alive in your dreams and in your heart. Come back, please. 

I’m happy for both of you.

I spent my sweet sixteen crying over both of you. Although it hurts, as if putting salt on a freshly cut wound, pain was my antidote. Because at least I know, everything was real. My first love was real. And every jolt of unexplained feelings I felt with you was real. It was all real…for me but not you.

I’m tired of lying

Of course not. If lying to you meant your happiness, then it would be my pleasure and affliction to lie until hell freezes over. 

But for once, let me tell you the truth. One that never became a lie nor a broken promise. 

I love you. 

With every ounce of my being, I know in my mind, I’m still inlove with our tragedy.

With the universe- the stars, the moon, the sun and every heavenly body staring upon me right now as my witness… I love you. 

Always..

It’s February 12, I’m sixteen now, but I’m not stronger, or wiser, not even more mature. But who cares? I love you and that is all.

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4 comments

  1. So much sadness to express on your birthday. May I cheer you up slightly by wishing you a better year ahead from a fellow aquarian (albeit one who’s somewhat older).

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