There is always something wrong. I try so hard to be a someone that I often forget who I really am. I tried to be timid because they said he likes mysterious girls. One day, I stopped wearing my glasses because they said he hated any type of distraction when he stares into someone’s eyes. I started wearing my hair in a ponytail because they said he hated bushy hair. I wore my bag on one shoulder because they said it looked cool and they said he liked cool girls. I became insecure with my laugh because I thought he wouldn’t like it.
So I watched him paint his own blue skies while I fall into the shadow of other people. It’s almost as if he created this map of life and knows how to navigate through it while I stumble across every road block with maximum casualty.
One day we were lab partners. He smiled and I smiled-the creepy type because my whole face was twitching not knowing what to say or do. I remember ‘them’ saying that he loved talking about music. So I tried.
“Uhmmm so you like Justin Bieber?”
Stupid! Why the hell did I ask that!
He chuckled. He was so cute.
“No but I like A Rocket to the Moon.”
“Yeah, me too!”
“Really? Which song do you like the most.”
-____- Didn’t see that coming.
“Uhmmm I think were supposed to get started.” Laugh..’They’ said he could fall in love with just the girl’s laugh.
He stared. Awkward.
‘They’ said he liked it when a girl blinks and her eyes catches the light.
“Can you pass me the test tube, please?” Blink.
“Here you go.” Blink.
“Thanks.” Blink Blink Blink
He arched his eyebrows. Blink. Blink.
“Is there something wrong with your eyes?”
“Uh..nothing.” I blushed. He laughed. I laughed. And he smiled. I almost collapsed.
Being with him was just beautiful. Sometimes when our hands touch, I feel supernovas inside of me exploding in staccato bursts of heaven-like ecstasy. Sometimes, out of the corner of my eye, I feel him gazing at me with his baby blue eyes. And I realized, it was natural. The moment I stopped listening to what others said, everything came so natural. As if we’ve known each other for years. And I could feel him feeling the same way.
Sometimes I would catch a wink from him. He didn’t ignore me like he used to. I was finally noticed. He even compliments me on my hair even if I know how bushy it looks even with a rubber band tying it to a pony tail.
My favorite part of him is when he laughs and I laugh and sparks fly. And no one gives a damn.
When prom came, I waited for him. Like how I waited for him during chemistry. Everyday I miss the way he smells, the way he sits down on the chair beside me and how his voice sounds deep but so assuring. And at last I saw him.
In the most gorgeous tux, with his hair sleeked back in an elegant masterpiece and his lips so majestic with a million-dollar smile. And his eyes, blue as always but this time more mesmerizing..just beautiful. And his hands…oh his hands….I cried. His hands locked with another’s hand. Their fingers interlaced tight enough that it made my heart drop.
I cried. And he never saw me since. That day I wished I could fly to the moon…with a rocket.
A rocket to the moon.