Scribbles from the past

Dear Reader,

I was going through all my  old stuff and I found a journal of mine from 2 years ago. As I flipped through each page, my eyes were just horror-stricken. It was like reading an uncesored movie of so much hatred that maybe the protagonist turned evil and the end of the world came. It was filled with profanity, misery and so much hatred that the words jumped out of the paper and probably slapped me in the face. Then I asked myself “What the hell was I thinking?”

Maybe, 2 years ago, I dreamed of a fairy godmother that instead of turning me into a princess, she turned all my enemies into the lonely frog, forever wandering around in lost hope of existing again as a mortal. Maybe I thought if I wrote the meanest things about them, an assassin would probably end up in my room, not kill me, read my journal, and get rid of my problems.

I was a monster.

And the same people I wrote profane things about are now my best friends. Wow, the universe really knows how to make plot-twisting events. But part of me was thankful that I found the journal. Because when I read it, I saw myself 2 years ago and realized how much I changed. From a really horrible monster, I am now kinda less of a monster. Hmmm. Let’s put it this way. 2 years ago, I was a loch ness monster, now I’m a shark.

And maybe the universe wanted me to see my old journal.  To show me how much a person can change and that a person can change. And maybe the universe wanted me to remember the words I lived by 2 years ago like “I’m tired drawing lines and boundaries. I dream of the day I start crossing them.”

So once upon a time, I wrote such evil I forgot the beauty of sun rise. Now I see how insecure and shallow I was. And thank you “the universe” for reminding me to never go back to the person again.

Wow, I feel so different.

And reader, you can judge. But I just wish someone would understand.


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